Happy Days
by Stargategeek
Summary: The team have to go undercover at a gay couples retreat. Not slash! I just wanted to put the team in an odd setting. Now Completed : If anyone wants to write a tag feel free, just tag it...
1. A Really Interesting Week

Gibbs walked out of the elevator, coffee in hand, a blissful morning strut; the way he walked in a day where no one called with bad news, and no known terrorists were in the viscinity so they weren't his problem. Yes, it had been a good day. No marines shot dead, no navy families threatened or slaughtered, nope just a day for catching up on paperwork; his favorite kind of day.

Gibbs had just come from lunch, thoroughly enjoying his slow day. His team, on the other hand, were going a little stir crazy, but he had learned to tune them out years ago. It all had to do with the fact that they pretty much argued about the same thing over again. After awhile it becomes easy to tune out their childish babblings: he was referring of course to Officer David and Agent DiNozzo.

"All I'm saying is that between you and McGee, who I'd introduce to my mother…"

"…If your mother was still alive."

"Yes, if my mother was still living, it would be McGee, I don't see what you are having trouble with Tony, you asked a simple question I gave you a simple answer."

"It's the answer I don't get."

"What's not to get?" Ziva's voice could be heard from the elevator doors at this point they were arguing so loud.

"It's McGee, McGoo, Elflord, your mother won't understand anything he says, and definitely question your taste in men," said Tony exasperated.

"As opposed to you?" said Ziva giving him a questioning look.

"What's wrong with me, Mom's love me: they find me charming," you could practically see the narcisim dripping out of DiNozzo's smile.

"That's the point DiNozzo, you'd just flirt with her mother all evening, who wants that?" said Gibbs walking into the bullpen in his usual style.

"It's almost gotten me married a couple of times boss," said Tony.

"To their mothers?" said McGee looking quite lost at this point.

"No Mcgigglepuss, not their mothers," said Tony, resisting the urge to Gibbs-slap McGee's head.

Gibbs sat down at his desk, and took a sip of the caffeinated liquid in the Styrofoam cup. Then returning to his blissful deskwork of signing, resigning, and sipping.

"So you'd rather have your mother meet McGee than me?"

"Yes DiNozzo, will you drop it, thankfully neither of you will ever have to meet my mother."

At this moment the elevator nearest Gibbs that went down to Abby's Lab and the Morgue dinged and the doors opened. Abby and Ducky came out. Ducky had Abby engaged in an intriguing story about a Puerto Rican princess that he had crossed paths with back in the 'good ole days.'

"I was just a young traveler, sitting at the bar, drinking a lovely concoction of rum, coke and I think vodka, when suddenly a flash of red had caught my eye. I turned my head and there was this beautiful woman, wearing the most brilliant red gown I had ever seen. I don't know what possessed me but suddenly I got up and asked her to dance, through some chance of fate she accepted and her and I were entangled in a very thrilling tango. Well we danced what seems for hours and when the song finally finished she asked me to join her for an evening walk, I wasn't inclined to say no, before I knew it we were entangled in another sort of dance…"

"Telling Abby the story of The Puerto Rican Princess," said Gibbs not even looking up from his paperwork.

"Well, she really wasn't a princess, but she is what you'd envision a Puerto Rican princess would look like," said Ducky.

"So what? You had your little tryst then parted ways?" said Abby, nudging Ducky to urge on with the story.

"Oh no, we had several encounters after that, we talked, we laughed, we danced, so much so that I think I fell for her after awhile," said Ducky.

"So what happened?" said Abby, fully engaged in the story now.

"Turns out she was married to a Puerto Rican political dignitary, who had found out about our little get togethers, and thought I was trying to steal his beautiful wife from him. The last time I saw her she had come into my room one night, begging me to get out of Puerto Rico while I could before her husband's men found me and used my head as a foot rest. I escaped with my bag of things out the balcony, just as the soldiers burst through my hotel room door," Ducky said to the wide-eyed Abby.

"It sound like this one movie…"

"Tony…Zip it! I wanna hear this," said Abby firmly.

"Well, my dear, I ran down the street with bullets at my heels and managed to sneak aboard a small cargo ship called 'The Apocalypse,' which sailed me to a island in the Caribbean where I managed to pay for a ticket to Tijuana. Till this day, my head is still wanted in Puerto Rico, even though my Puerto Rican princess…"

"Puerto Rican wife of a dignitary," corrected Gibbs.

"Yes, well, anyways she's probably long-forgotten me," said Ducky rather sadly.

"Oh Ducky, I severely doubt that, you wouldn't be that easy to forget, she probably still thinks about you," said Abby putting her arm around him in comfort.

"I severely doubt that she's been dead for five years," said Ducky rather non-chalantly.

Abby couldn't help at how Ducky's moods switched so easily from a sort of morose and regretful tone to a sudden 'whatever' attitude in a comical fashion, it was one of his charms.

Gibbs finally looked up from his paperwork, staring at the pair who had walked randomly into his bullpen.

"Is there a reason you two are here?" he said inquisitively.

"Oh, Director Vance asked us up here," said Abby.

"Why?" asked Gibbs.

"Because I want to speak with all of you," said Director Vance from his perch on the stairwell.

"What's happened?" said Ziva with some concern.

"Nothings happened, not really, " Vance looked at the group giving him confused faces, "I have a mission for you guys; we were given a tip about a potential terrorist threat hiding out at a very…unusual, um, get together."

"What the heck are you talking about Vance?" said Gibbs.

"It's a gay pride couples thing, I'm sending you guys to Happy Days Gay Couples Retreat," said Vance rather uncomfortably.

Tony gulped rather comically, Ducky turned beet red, McGee coughed awkwardly, Ziva shifted from one foot to the other, and Gibbs just gave Vance 'the stare.'

"Are you saying that…" Ducky started breaking the awkward silence.

"Yes Dr. Mallard, you all are going undercover as," Vance coughed a way a snorkel, "Gay couples."

"I get Ziva!" cried Tony suddenly.

"I'm sorry DiNozzo, I said gay couples," said Vance.

"We could pull off a heterosexual gay couple," said Tony, practically pleading.

Vance decided to get past Tony's awkward moment and press on.

"Abby and Ziva, you'll be assuming the persona's of Molly Ringback and Mel Viah, female couple, living together for three years, and having a bit of couple trouble, that's why you are attending this retreat," said Vance, handing both ladies a separate file folder containing the details of the characters.

"Tony and McGee, you'll be assuming the roles of Fernando and Tyler, domestic partners attending the retreat to bond together in body, mind and spirit," Vance was trying so hard not to laugh.

"There will be no bonding, AT ALL! Of body, mind or spirit," said Tony in the most intimidating face he could muster, "got that clear Timmy Mcgoogle."

"The thought had never crossed my mind Fernando," said McGee with a smirk.

"And last but not least, long time life partners, Harlan and Goosey," said Vance, this time a smile broke through the façade of seriousness Vance had tried to keep through this whole briefing.

"Goosey?" said Ducky, with his best 'you-gotta-be-kidding-me' face.

"Long-time life partners?" said Gibbs with the same face plastered on his face as Ducky had. This made Vance lose it, it was all too good, he wished this was a prank, because then he could take the credit of making the whole team squirm, but unfortunately this mission was real, and he was going to die from laughter.

"Why do I have to do this?" said Gibbs.

"I say we just send in the girls," said DiNozzo.

"Yeah, you just want front seats to hopefully some girl on girl action," said Abby playfully.

"It's in his nature, he immediately goes to that place," said Ziva, with a certain mock-disgust

"Goosey?" said Ducky with even more disbelief.

"Good luck on your mission," said Vance trying not to fall on the floor laughing, this was going to be a most interesting week.


	2. Of Italian Men and Pink Plaid Shirts

Chapter 2 …Of Italian Men and Pink Plaid Shirts

"Welcome to Happy Days Gay Couple Retreat, a purely bonding experience for the alternative couple," said the overly cheerful camp Head.

The retreat was really a nice beachy place in Florida, complete with huts, boats and a tiki bar. Gibbs had never felt so weirded out in his life, and he does not weird out easily. Everywhere were the oddest sight of couples he had ever seen; fat, thin, overly pink, and these were just the guys. It's not that he was homo-phobic, he'd just never seen so many at once, it was a little disconcerting to him.

"I forgot, which one of us is the effeminate one?" said Ducky, just off to the right of him.

Gibbs could not believe what Ducky was wearing; it was almost painful to look at. He was wearing the dorkiest plaid shorts Gibbs had ever seen, they came up at Ducky's waist, and came down to just above his knees, and through some sick twist of fate he had found a pink plaid button down shirt, and yellow suspenders. It made Gibbs want to cry. Of course it was topped with Ducky's normal hat that he wore all the time at crime scenes, along with a pair of round pinkish sunglasses, which just put the cherry on top of the whole package.

Gibbs was wearing his usual outfit, minus the badge and the gun, except he wore a pair of brown leather sandals, a baby blue shirt, which he didn't tuck in, and socks, which, according to Abby was a unique fashion statement all on its own. Apparently she hasn't seen Ducky yet.

"Jethro, oh I'm sorry, Harlan, which one is playing the effeminate one?" said Ducky, breaking Gibbs out of his reverie.

"You of course Ducky, who the hell dressed you?" said Gibbs trying to resist the urge to slap Ducky in the back of the head.

"Oh, you like? Abby picked it out for me, saying my wardrobe wasn't gay enough," said Ducky casually. Gibbs should of known.

"The purse is a nice touch," said Gibbs.

"FYI: it's a bag, and thank you my dear," said Ducky humorously.

"FYI?" said Gibbs, confusedly.

"For Your Information, Gibbs, something Abby taught me."

"Ah, I see you've taken the Abby's crash course in femininity," said Gibbs.

"Apparently my gay was too Hollywood, well can you blame me, they never taught gay in Eton, actually back then gay meant happy, they used them in folksongs," Ducky took a moment to let the personal embarrassment of the situation wash over him.

"Maybe she just wanted to see you in pink," said Gibbs with a smirk.

"She probably did go a little overboard," said Ducky taking a good look at his ridiculous outfit.

Approximately 20 feet away…

Tony and McGee stepped out of the rental car. This was, in Tony's book, the worst undercover mission he ever had to go on, and it hadn't even started yet. Ziva was never going to let him forget this episode; he remembered that Kate never let him forget about the time he kissed a transsexual, how long would they keep it over his head if he kissed McGee. He could practically see his reputation with the ladies slipping away.

"So Fernando," said McGee, slamming the car door to get Tony's attention.

"Yes, Tyler," the contempt weighed heavy in Tony's tone.

"Are you going to get the bags or am I going to have to?" asked McGee.

"Well I am the senior field agent out of the two of us, so think about it McGoo!" said Tony.

"Well you're supposed to be the one wearing the 'pants' in this relationship, why don't you try being a gentleman," said McGee; he was thoroughly enjoying bugging Tony about this whole thing. It wasn't ideal in his mind either, but once he saw uncomfortable it made Tony he saw it as a prime opportunity to get a taste of his own medicine.

"There will be no removal of these pants, you got that Mr. McCreepy," said Tony, giving McGee his best serious face, "I can sense that you are way too happy about this whole thing so you just keep your hands to yourself, and I won't have to remove them."

McGee couldn't help but smirk at Tony's insecurity. Tony eyed McGee as he grabbed the luggage from the trunk, slamming it down once he was down. The guy hadn't stopped smiling since they started the trip down here, it was beyond disturbing, no guy should ever look that forward to a week in Gay Paradise, at least, no supposed heterosexual guy.

They walked into the central area to sign into the registration. Tony looked around at all the suspects (technically couples, but he was thinking from purely a criminal investigators point of view), if he was going to get this over with as quickly as possible his investigatory skills had to keep sharp. Tony really didn't want to be here.

His eyes scanned the couples in the beach area, some were kissing (how creepy); some were ordering drinks from the bar, others were checking out the scenery, others just sort of hanged out, meeting and greeting. Then Tony's eyes came across the most unusual sight, or should he say couple. They were clearly the oldest couple in the whole group. They were walking around together, arm in arm, saying 'Hello' to the other couples, introducing themselves, you know, the usual pleasantries.

"Oh my gosh, is that Gibbs and Ducky?" said McGee from behind him.

"I believe so," said Tony in disbelief at the two characters in front of them, pulling off a very believable, if somewhat odd, couple.

"If I didn't know them you'd think they were really a pair," said McGee.

"They remind me of my grandparents, if of course I had two grand-dads," said Tony who really wished a hand would slap the back of his head and wake him up from this weird dream he was having.

"Actually, aside from the shorts, Ducky is dressed exactly the same way my grandmother used to dress."

"That's incredibly disturbing McGee, I now understand why you have such problems getting dates," said Tony.

McGee's smile dropped into a frown at Tony's remark.

"You need to sign in _Fernando!" _said McGee with a certain emphasis.

Tony and McGee stood their glaring at each other for what seemed like 5 minutes.

"Gentlemen, gentlemen," said the overly cheerful headman, "ok, I can see why you two are here, well, we're here to help."

"He's beyond help at this point," said Tony, he still stayed locked-eyed with McGee.

"Just go sign the stupid registration form!" said McGee through gritted teeth.

With that Tony and McGee stopped their rather intense staring competition.

"Love and understanding my friends, that's what you're going to learn at Happy Days!" said the camp head with a huge, white smile.

"We're in Hut 5!" said Abby. She and Ziva had arrived about half an hour ago, all smiles and handshakes. The signed in, and spent the next twenty minutes drinking and greeting all the other couples. To them this was like camp, summer camp for Abby, Mossaud training camp for Ziva, but the same principle applied. They were laughing and giggling, having a good ole time. Now they just had to settle into their hut, change into some nice beachwear, grab some samosas from the tiki bar, and get a picture of Ducky in his outfit before he changed and burned it. They had not seen it yet, so they were rushing before Ducky and Gibbs threw the pink shirt into the ocean.

"So you actually got him to wear pink!" said Ziva, she was still in disbelief.

"Totally, he looks incredibly sexy!" said Abby, with a certain jokingness about it.

"You think he looks sexy in everything!" said Ziva, matter-of-factly.

"But he looks especially sexy in pink!" Abby smiled double wide at the remark.

"I'll never understand you Abby!" said Ziva.

They walked over to the main area where couples were still conversing and greeting. Ziva let out a 'Ha!' as she immediately spotted the team's fearless leader and Medical Examiner.

"Oh my Abby, you really got him to wear pink!" she said through her giggles.

"It was easy, he came to me for help, and I wrapped him around my finger," she said lifting her index finger for emphasis.

"The poor unfortunate sucker!" said Ziva bursting into a laughing riot.

"Oh dear Jethro, we've been spotted," said Ducky, who recognized the laughs of his two female colleagues.

"It's worse, now they have photo evidence," said Gibbs pointing at the small black digital camera in Abby's hand.

"She's never going to let me forget this, isn't she?" said Ducky pitifully.

"Not on your life! Remember Rule 40."

"Never mess with your coffee?"

"No that is rule 23."

"Is there a rule 40?"

"Now there is."

"Alright Jethro, what is it?"

"Never let a woman play you," Gibbs took another sip of the coffee he had ordered from the bar.

Ducky shrugged, at this point in time he couldn't argue with Gibbs logic; he felt ridiculous.

"May we find our quarters so I can get out of this wretched thing?" said Ducky.

"Of course Duck."

The head of the retreat sounded off his bullhorn.

"Attention Couples! The first activity will be starting in 20 minutes, bring your beachwear."

"Oh I hope there's drinking involved," said Ducky, he never wanted to be back in autopsy, examining the insides of a dead petty officer more than right at this moment.

"Thank god it's just a weekend," said Gibbs with a small chuckle, this was going to be an interesting weekend.


	3. Beach Balls and Samosas

Chapter 3-Beach Balls and Samosas

Ducky finally changed out of the pink atrocity, and stuffed it in one of the deep pockets of his bag. He shed himself of the bad pink glasses, and replaced them with just his normal ones, but kept his Tillie on. Gibbs changed into a pair of shorts and a very tacky (in his opinion) Hawaiian shirt. It was as gay as he was willing to go. Ducky and him stepped out of their hut; matching go figure. They were both wearing Hawaiian shirts though Ducky's was much more colorful.

"Shall we my dear?" said Ducky offering his arm.

"Lead the way Goosey," Gibbs accepted Ducky's arm, and his glare, with a little smirk of his own; it was fun to tease his team, because they were all too intimidated by him to rebut, except for Ducky of course.

They walked to the beach area where the other couples were gathering.

"Harlan! Goosey! Over here!" yelled a man, mid-fifties, balding. His name was Frank, who was here with his partner Eddie, who was around the same edge but still had all his hair. Gibbs and Ducky had befriended the couple almost immediately. Being the two oldest couples in the retreat, they shared a lot in common. Eddie sailed boats as a hobby, and drank scotch. Frank loved trivia, and had several ex-wives, making Eddie his longest-lasting relationship.

Aside from being gay, Gibbs rather liked the pair; they were great drinking buddies. Ducky found them perfectly charming.

Frank was about 6'1," and what hair he had left was a mix of blonde and grey; mostly grey. He had a very welcoming smile, and a taste for ugly dad shirts. He also had a very quick wit, and a bad singing voice.

Eddie was a very tall and lean man; about 6'5," with slowly graying curly dirty blonde hair. He had a sense of humor that would be hard to beat, and a very laid-back demeanor.

They didn't look really like a couple; they didn't act like a couple, more of like a best-friends-for-life relationship, which suited them just fine. They didn't hold hands, or kiss, or talk mushy, they just stood next to each other criticizing the idiotic world around them. Maybe that's why Gibbs liked them.

"Hello lads!" said Ducky walking around the other, younger, couples to stand with the two men.

"They really should be serving drinks!" said Frank eyeing the empty inside of his samosa glass.

"Frank is a hopeless drinker," said Eddie rolling his eyes.

"What? I like to hydrate! Is that so bad?" said Frank flailing his arms.

"It is when I have to carry your drunken ass back home with you singing '99 bottles of beer on the wall.'"

"Oh, it can't be that bad!" said Frank rolling his eyes now.

"You never get past 95 bottles! You sing up to that point, hiccup, then start over again!"

"Maybe you should just leave me at the bar then!"

"Then you'd just get mad at me for leaving you at the bar. Everything I do you accuse me of doing wrong!"

"I like yelling is that such a problem!"

"Then yell at your son, at least then it'd be worth something!"

"I would but his mother told me to stop!"

"Man, she just spoils that kid doesn't she?"

"Tell me about it, and when I try to teach him just a little discipline, she sucks even more money out of me through alimony."

"Yeah that woman is a witch!" and just like that their argument was over just as effortlessly as it had started. Ducky and Gibbs couldn't help but laugh at the two's antics. They could agree and disagree over anything, then act like nothing happened. They, in some odd way, were meant to be together, no matter how strange it was.

"Do you have any idea what they've got in mind for us?" said Ducky.

"Well Goose, they said something about a team building activity involving, well, ah, teamwork, of course, and a beach ball," Frank's description was obtuse to say the least, but he had said it so nonchalantly that Gibbs was amused.

"Sounds like something for the younglings," said Ducky looking at all the scantily clad men and women, all under the age of 35 it seemed, chatting and laughing about the old foursome.

"Tell me about it; they said beach ball and I felt my back go out," said Eddie.

"Don't listen to him, there's nothing wrong with his back, it's his mind," said Frank doing the old cuckoo sign.

Ducky laughed at the two; if nothing else they were humorous together.

The last of the couples had gathered around. The head of the retreat, a man known as Arnie Furley; a painfully optimistic man with flamboyant attire; climbed atop the lifeguard tower, with his obnoxious bullhorn.

"Attention couples! Our first activity of the day is an old beach game. We like to call it Slaps, your partner in this game will not be the person you arrived with."

"Ooh, sounds like fun!" said Eddie sarcastically.

"One of you will climb onto your partners shoulders and you must stay up there for as long as you can, and get as many people out as you can. For this reason you will be paired with someone of the opposite gender." Gibbs could practically sense Tony's glee.

"Like that helps us, we can neither hold someone up nor climb up them without causing serious injury," sad Ducky.

"Um, excuse me!" yelled Frank.

"Yes sir!" yelled Arnie.

"Um, what about us four?" he signified the other the other three over middle-aged men standing beside him.

"Oh! You four can sit out on this one, create a little teamwork building activity of your own."

"I brought cards, who wants to play poker?" announced Eddie.

"Oh I'll join," chipped Ducky.

"Yeah, count me in," said Gibbs.

"I'll grab the samosas!" chirped Frank and he ran off.

"What's the beach ball for?" said a young woman.

"While the girls get rid of other opponents the guys must pass this ball around, who ever has the ball is the target," said Arnie.

Tony's mood had brightened significantly when Arnie said they would have female partners. He would not be able to live with himself if he'd have to have McGoogle on his shoulders.

They were both wearing tanks and shorts and sandals, not matching of course, just appropriate beachwear, well, appropriate for this beach anyway.

"Mel Viah will be paired of with Fernando Vela-velas-velus, um Vealisquiz, is that right?"

"Tony!" McGee whispered to Tony.

"What?" said Tony, temporarily distracted by the beautiful blonde bikini wearer in front of him.

"He's asking for you!" said McGee nudging Tony's shoulder.

"H-what?!" yelled Tony.

"That guy over there miss," Arnie pointed in Tony's direction.

Ziva approached Tony from out of the crowd.

"Well, isn't this a coincidence, Ms., ah Viah," said Tony smiling at his partner.

"Bellieve me Tony, this is what Abby would call, ah, hinky, yes?" said Ziva.

"Or fate," said Tony with a twinkle.

"Can you guys look less like your flirting and more like your meeting for the first time?" said McGee extending his hand to Ziva, which she accepted with a happy shake. Tony did the same afterwards.

The pairing off continued for the next five minutes, and all the people headed towards the water.

McGee was paired off with a brunette lesbian from California named Paula, who's here with her girlfriend to strengthen their relationship; McGee made up a little back-story about him and Fernando, being here to see if they're really meant for each other. Abby was paired off with hot stud named Enrique, Ricky for short, who brought his boyfriend to this retreat as a punishment for looking at another guy.

The game was on.

The four middle-aged men sat around a beach table near the tiki bar. Eddie had a cigarette dangling out of his mouth, and a scotch on a coaster next to his right hand. He was sitting next to Gibbs who'd loosened up enough to order a bourbon from the bar. Frank sat on the right-side bench facing the water with Ducky. They were accompanied by two large glasses of samosas with a whole fruit assortment on the top, which Frank was gleefully munching on while looking at his cards. Ducky was watching the procession of young adults fall into the water, and throw a ball around. Laughing, screaming, and cheers could be heard as people fell off, kicked, slapped, and threw.

"Call," said Frank.

Ducky looked back down to his cards, he had a full house, aces high.

"Call," he threw in his chips.

"You seem a little out of it Goose!" said Frank.

"Just watching the activity." He wasn't really watching the game, he was actually watching a certain participant; a certain Goth. Sure, Abby was much younger than he was, but he couldn't help but be a little drawn to her personality. They'd been friends for years, he regarded her as one of his best friends. Though, if things were different, and he was much younger, he would've asked her out almost immediately, but for now he was content on just watching her laugh and enjoy herself from afar.

To be continued…

(AN: Since I was watching Whose Line around the same time as I was writing this chapter, Colin Mochrie and Ryan Stiles were mentally cast in this fic as Frank and Eddie, just in case you need a face to put to the odd couple.)


	4. A Very Unusual Poker Game

Chapter 4- A Very Unusual Poker Game

Gibbs looked down at his cards, he had absolutely nothing; he bluffing his way through this game. Abby always said he had a great poker face. Frank had ordered yet another samosa, and Ducky's head may have been in Kansas for all he knew because it certainly wasn't in the game.

"Fold," said Eddie beside him.

"Oh, giving up so soon are we Ed?" said Frank.

"I got to go to the head," he said getting up from the table. Eddie was an ex-marine, just like Gibbs, according to Frank. He left the corps because of back problems; a medical discharge, at least that's what he claims, Frank claims it was a medical discharge because of insanity.

"He has such a weak bladder; drinks two glasses then he has to go, it's the main reason why we don't eat out," Frank finished off his samosa in one gulp. "Now for me it takes at least five drinks before I have to go."

"Which number is that one?" said Ducky.

"Number five…excuse me," Frank slunk off in the same direction as Eddie.

Gibbs waited till Frank had gotten well out of earshot.

"Hey Duck?"

"Hmm," Ducky responded.

"What's eating you?" Gibbs laid a hand on his friends shoulder.

"What?" said Ducky.

"You haven't paid attention this entire game; what's captured your attention?" Gibbs' concern was evident.

"Nothing just thinking about something," he said looking down at his hands.

Frank followed Eddie back to their hut. They headed in the direction of the restrooms but changed their course to their quarters.

"Do you think they suspect?" said Frank closing the door behind him.

"What that we're not a homosexual couple?" said Eddie.

"No, that we're fans of punk bands; what do you think genius!?" said Frank.

"Please their completely clueless; the short one's not even paying attention long enough to notice," Eddie lit another cigarette.

"It's not the short one I'm worried about, it's the intimidating, burly, ex-marine that worries me!" Frank flailed his arms for emphasis.

"By the time he's sure the damage will already have been done, you just keep drinking samosas, and arguing, and debating my mental status like we planned."

"Fine."

Gibbs ordered another bourbon and an ice water for Ducky.

"Hey Harley while you're there get me another sammy!" yelled Frank as he and Eddie passed the bar, returning to the table.

"Sure, Eddie you want anything?" said Gibbs.

"Don't mind me, I'll live without a constant stream of alcohol running through my system." The comment was directed at Frank.

"Hey, this is a retreat, a vacation, drinking is required," responded Frank.

Gibbs picked up the drinks and brought them back to the poker game.

"Thank you Harlan," said Ducky taking his water and sipping it.

The day was turning into evening and the sun was going down. Torches were being lit all around the camp. The smell of cooking food wafted through the air.

The water game had ended and was replaced by a huge beach volleyball match. Which was just starting to die down as couples began to slink off to their huts. Mostly to change into warmer attire, others to do…other things. Some were heading up to the tiki bar for more drinks. The rest were conversing with each other softly.

Ducky folded and excused himself from the game. He headed to his hut to put on some warmer pants. He felt mentally exhausted when he reached the hut, and he sat on the bed and rested his head in his hands.

"Hi, Ducky," said a voice from behind him.

He turned around to see the woman that had held his attention all afternoon.

"Abby?"

To be continued

AN: Ooh the plot thickens, what are the sly Frank and Eddie up to? What's going on with Ducky and Abby? Where have Tony and Ziva run off to? It will make sense as we go along.


	5. Why Do We Fight?

(AN: I know this seems to be going by very fast but I didn't want to focus too much on the gay couples, because I'd right them very stereotypically because coming from a small city in British Columbia and being naturally ignorant in general I've only met so many gay people and don't want to offend people by writing poorly, so I'm just going to write about the people I'm sure of, NCIS )

Chapeter 5- Why Do We Fight?

Tony, though he wouldn't admit, especially to Ziva and McGee, was starting to enjoy this semi-vacation/undercover op.

He and Ziva had made good partners in the teamwork activity, nearly beating all the other teams with her flashing fists and his hand-eye coordination, until of course she los her balance and set the two of the tumbling into the ocean. Instead of arguing with her and calling her clumsy, he emerged from the water laughing. They shared a genuine moment sitting in the water; he picked the seaweed out of her hair and she snorted in laughter.

Then the volleyball game was intense. Though they were gay, they were more competitive in the sport than most of his heterosexual friends. One of the women nearly killed him diving for the ball, okay it was Abby, but that did not excuse the fact that she was like a lioness when it came to sports.

McGee had befriended his partner Paula and her girlfriend Jay and they had left the game to grab some drinks and chat. McGee enjoyed their company; Paula was a gamer just like he was, and Jay was a trekkie. They talked endlessly about WoW and Star Trek, he was in probie heaven as Tony would put it.

Tony and Ziva were taking a nice evening stroll around the area, Ziva called it checking the perimeter; while Tony counted it as the closest to a date that he'd ever get with the ex-Mossaud officer.

"I wonder where Abby's run off to," said Ziva, breaking the calm silence that surrounded the pair.

"Probably hanging with her fave M.E.; they're probably off giggling somewhere," said Tony.

"I can't imagine Ducky giggling," said Ziva.

"You know what I mean!" huffed Tony; sometimes her inability with American inflection was frustrating.

"Ducky is eccentric yes, but he is not a teenage girl, Tony. Seventy-year old men don't giggle; chorkle perhaps, but giggle no!" argued Ziva.

"Nevermind Ziva!" he said giving her the 'silence' gesture.

"But I do believe you are correct, where ever he is, Abby will not be far behind, they are like two peas in a cod."

"It's pod Ziva! Pod! Two peas in a pod!" Tony huffed.

"What'd I say?"

"You said cod, a cod is a type of fish; what would two peas be doing in a fish?"

"Well they are a type of food!"

"But how does two peas being eaten by a fish have anything to do with the relationship of two people."

Ziva opened her mouth to speak.

"Don't answer that!" Tony gave her his version of 'the stare.'

They continued to walk this time an uncomfortable silence between them.

"Why do we fight DiNozzo?" asked Ziva eventually.

"Because if we didn't fight we'd have nothing to say to each other," said Tony.

"True, and even if we did have something to say…"

"We'd end up having an argument about it."

They shared a laugh.

A bell tolled off in the distance signaling that the evening meal was being served. Tonyand Ziva headed in the direction of the tabled where most of the couples were already gathered. Others were coming out from the huts.

"There's Abby!" said Ziva pointing in the girl's direction. She was exiting a hut.

"Is that your hut?" asked Tony.

"No, are hut is further down, I wonder whose hut is that?"

At that moment Ducky exited right behind Abby.

"Well, that answers that question," said Ziva genuinely surprised.

"I don't think I want to know," said Tony; he kept walking, this weekend just kept getting stranger and stranger.


	6. Someone Please Pass The Salt!

Chapter 6- Someone Please Pass The Salt!!

Previously…

_Ducky folded and excused himself from the game. He headed to his hut to put on some warmer pants. He felt mentally exhausted when he reached the hut, and he sat on the bed and rested his head in his hands._

"_Hi, Ducky," said a voice from behind him._

_He turned around to see the woman that had held his attention all afternoon._

"_Abby?"_

Now…

"Abby, What are you doing here?" said Ducky, immediately rising from where he was sitting. What was she doing here?

"I had to talk to you!" she said, smiling innocently.

"This is neither the time nor the place to be having private conversations, Abby," said Ducky, still a little flustered.

"But if I don't tell you this now I'll fear it'll be too late," she said stepping closer to him.

"Really?" Ducky was shocked to say the least.

Abby nodded her head. His heart caught in his throat as she drew nearer to him.

"Recently I've realized something," she started.

"Yes," he could barely stand the proximity.

"I've been getting these weird feelings, like…oh I shouldn't, like you said this is neither the time nor the place."

"Go ahead, my dear, I'll probably feel the same way," Ducky didn't want her to leave now that she was here, and so close to saying the words he always wished to here. This moment was so surreal, like the dreams he gets when he drink to much scotch before bed.

"I…" Abby looked nervous.

"Yes," if she didn't say it soon he was going to faint.

"I think I recognize that Frank guy from somewhere but I just can't put my finger on it."

Ducky stood there stunned.

"Frank?"

"Yeah!"

"You were talking about Frank?"

"Yeah, what did you think I was talking about?"

Something other than Frank obviously, but he wasn't going to tell her that.

"Nothing," Ducky turned away awkwardly, hopefully to collect himself before Abby notices his embarrassment. No matter how he got, there was always something to revert him into a teenager.

"So what should I do?" said Abby ignoring Ducky's odd behavior.

"About what?" he wasn't listening.

"Frank, Ducky!" yelled Abby.

"Buy him a samosa," he still wasn't listening.

"Ducky!" she slapped on the arm.

"I don't know, ask Gibbs!" said Ducky.

"I can't tell Gibbs, he'll either become super suspicious, or wave me off saying 'I must've met him at a party,'" Abby huffed.

"Maybe you have?"

"Don't you think that I'd have already have thought of that." She placed her hands on her hips; he wasn't being very helpful, it was making her frustrated.

"What do you want me to say, Abby?"

"I don't know, there is just something odd about him, you know."

"He seems like a perfectly nice gentleman, a bit of a drinker, but nothing strikes me odd about him."

"Please Ducky!" Abby turned Ducky to face her, and placed her hands on both of his shoulders, "if you won't believe me, who will?"

She gave him the innocent doe eyes that made her look helpless, and made him feel hopeless because he could never say no to those eyes. Oh gawd, she really did have him wrapped around her finger.

"Fine, I will keep I critical eye on the odd Frank; but it's possible he just looks like a teacher you once had." He sighed, it was an empty promise because his eyes were certainly not going to look at Frank all weekend, but if it will help her 'gut' settle then…

"Thank you, and don't tell Gibbs," she said placing a little peck on his cheek.

Definitely not going to be watching Frank all weekend.

"Anything for you, my dear." He was hopeless.

The bell for dinner tolled.

"I should go," said Abby, realizing it would look odd if the two of them walked out together.

"Yes you should," Ducky said smiling to her.

She smiled back, and turned to leave out the door to join 'Mel' for dinner. Ducky left a few minutes after to sit next to 'Harlan' and Frank and Eddie. He never did get to change his clothes, but it seemed kind of pointless now.

"Hey Mel" said Abby cheerily as she sat next to Ziva, who was seated at a table with another couple and Tony, who was ogling the blonde babes the next table over.

"Molly, where'd you run off to?" Ziva raised her eyebrows in curiosity.

"Just went to, uh, you know, freshen up."

"I bet you did," Tony chipped in.

"Uh Molly dear, this is Fernando," Ziva kicked Tony under the table, "he was my partner for the activity."

"Oh…of course."

This little scene was purely for the benefit of the others sitting with the group. They pulled it off rather convincingly Ziva thought, well maybe not so much, but who's going to notice.

"Goose! You've returned!" said Frank; he's had one too many samosas, that was obvious.

"Well when dinner beckons…" Ducky said.

"That's very Pavlov's dog theory, ain't it?" said Frank.

"Quite."

"Sit down, Goose," said Gibbs pointing at the empty spot on the bench where Ducky had occupied the entire poker game.

The food was served, and the evening was filled with bright laughter and light conversation.

McGee, who had not shown up till now, which had occurred to Tony sometime after the food was placed in front of him, walked into the dining area and sat next to Tony.

"McG-…Tyler! Where the hell have you been?" asked Tony, slapping McGee on the arm.

"Nowhere, I was nowhere, really!" McGee had shifty eyes.

"Well, you were there an awful long time!" Tony gave him a glare, Probie wasn't telling him something and he wanted to know what it was.

"Just drop it Fern!" yelled McGee.

"Will you guys sit down and shut up, you're making a scene!" whispered Ziva.

"I will not drop it, I want to know what you were doing that was so important that you couldn't make it to dinner on time!" DiNozzo was yelling louder.

"Maybe it's none of your business!" McGee yelled back.

"Could you pass the salt?" asked Ducky trying to divert attention from the scene going on behind him.

"I think it is my business if you can't make one dinner arrangement!" Tony was shouting now.

"I can't make a dinner arrangement! What about the time you came late for my birthday?" McGee was shouting too now.

"There was traffic!"

"It was on a Sunday! There is no traffic on Sunday!"

"The salt please," said Ducky.

"There was also the time I cooked a meal for all you guys, and you stood me up!"

"I had a prior commitment!"

"At Hooters?!"

"The salt if you don't mind!" Ducky raised his voice a little more.

"Gentlemen if you could take this fight somewhere else?" asked Arnie.

"No we're going to settle this right here and now!" yelled Tony. He grabbed a fistful of the mashed potatoes on his plate and smooshed it allover McGee's face. Which was followed by a gasp from Abby.

"That does it!" yelled McGee.

McGee grabbed a fistful of food from off of Ziva's plate and tossed it onto Tony's shirt.

"Food fight!" yelled one of the men and he tossed his food over his boyfriend, who in turn tossed some in his direction, missing him and hitting the woman behind him.

"HA HA!" laughed Frank, who grabbed a spoonful and flicked it at Eddie, who solemnly grabbed a cigarette and walked away.

Food started flying everywhere; no one paid any attention to the two boys brawling in the middle. People were soon covered in mashed potatoes, peas and corn and bit of chicken.

Gibbs, Ducky and Frank sat there ducking every piece that came flying in their direction. Frank missed a couple of times and would obnoxiously laugh at everything. Gibbs continued to eat, rolling his eyes at the whole mess (no pun intended). Ducky was growing increasing frustrated as no one had even bothered to throw a saltshaker in their direction.

"What does one have to do to get salt here?" he leaned into Gibbs while darting a wallop of food.

"Get it yourself!" shrugged Gibbs.

"Now Gibbs that's not proper etiquette."

"It's a food fight, there is no etiquette."

Ducky rolled his eyes at this old friend; he looked at the plate of food, which just made him angrier.

"CAN SOMEONE PLEASE PASS THE SALT?!!!" he yelled incredibly loud.

The people stopped flinging food. Tony and McGee who had been duking it out all this time stopped too. Well McGee stopped trying to squish Tony's face into a pile of food. The complete frustration of the whole ordeal made him snap.

"Here's your stinking salt!" McGee grabbed the shaker on the table and violently threw it at Ducky. The shaker hit the Medical Examiner square in the face and he went flying into Gibbs.

"Oh crap!" said McGee realizing what he'd just done.

"Nice going Tyler!" snorted Tony.

"I'm so fired."

AN: AHAHA you thought Ducky and Abby were going to have a love scene but I fooled you ALL!! Ok victory moment over. This was just a fun little scene for you to have a little chorkle over.


	7. You Stay On Your Side, and Me On Mine!

Chapter 7- You Stay On Your Side, and Me On Mine

McGee wiped the mashed potatoes from behind his ears while Tony used the shower to wash off all the gook off of him.

"I can't believe that I threw a saltshaker at Ducky!" he said.

"Me neither McGoogle, I didn't think you had it in you," said Tony from the bathroom.

"I caused a food fight, a brawl, a scandal, and…"

"A saltshaker to go lying at thirty miles per hour into Ducky's head."

"Ducky's going to hate me."

"No Ducky won't, he could never hate you," said Tony as he climbed out of the shower.

"Thanks Tony," McGee said genuinely surprised.

"It's Abby you'll want to watch out for."

"What makes you say that?"

"You physically assaulted her two most favorite people in the world with a saltshaker, how do you think she's going to react?"

"It wasn't that bad…was it?"

"You gave Ducky stitches and Gibbs a black eye, if she doesn't kill you Gibbs will."

"I'm so dead," McGee whimpered.

"Yes you are my salt-flinging ex-partner," Tony patted McGee's shoulder.

McGee head sunk further into his hands.

"Abby, my dear, it's not that bad," said Ducky as Abby sewed the gash above the ME's right eye, "It was just an adrenaline infused reaction, an accident."

"McGee sent you flying into Gibbs, he doesn't deserve forgiveness," she said bitterly.

"It was an accident, my dear, that's all," Ducky flinched as she bandaged him up.

"I'll forgive him eventually, just not now," she said placing the band-aid on the ME's head.

"Thank you, my dear," He tried to sound grateful, but he was disappointed that the contact had ended.

"You're very welcome, my darling," she said back, it was a game they had played for years. He'd call her my dear, she'd call him my darling, and they'd share a laugh.

She placed a small kiss on his bandaged wound. Though it was a short but sweet gesture it was enough to turn his legs to jelly.

"Will you two stop playing grab-ass?" said Gibbs as he came out of the bathroom.

"We're not at work, Gibbs, we can play grab-ass as much as we want," Abby reiterated this point by grabbing Ducky's butt. Causing him to go beet red.

"Abby!" he yelped.

"Just proving a point!" she whispered into his ear.

"Yeah, I think it's been made," he was trying to get her out of there before he did something he didn't ant Gibbs to see.

Lucky for him, Abby released his butt, sensing his awkwardness. He was so cute when he was flustered, she couldn't resist doing these little awkward things to see him get so adorable.

"I'll see you later, goodnight Gibbs," she smiled at him; he smiled back.

"Goodnight Abs," he waved at her.

"Goodnight Ducky," she looked into his eyes sincerely.

"Goodnight," he said very solemnly. He's always hated it when she leaves a room; it was like all the beauty went with her. In this case he meant it quite literally, (Looking over to Gibbs' black and blue eye).

She turned to leave, then quickly shot back and placed a tender kiss on his cheek. He could almost feel his heart trying to burst through his chest and keep her from going. She left with a little wave, leaving the two bruised old men to stare at the space she had just occupied.

"You're really in deep!" said Gibbs.

"What do you mean?" said Ducky. He walked over to his side of the bed.

"With Abby, I can practically see the hearts in your eyes."

"How would you know?" asked Ducky defensively.

"I've been married four times, Duck, you sort of know the signs by then," Gibbs gave him a 'duhr' face.

"So what if I am?" said Ducky.

"What are you going to do about it?" asked Gibbs quizzically.

"Nothing, as much as I'd like to, there are certain things that are more important to me," Duck said.

"What?" Gibbs could not believe what Ducky had just said, "Like what?"

"My friendship with her," said Ducky sincerely.

"Okay, you've lost me Duck," Gibbs was so confused.

"I'm not permanent Jethro, she deserves someone who she can grow old with, not catch up to, and she'd realize that eventually."

"Ducky, what are you saying?"

"Say we did become romantically involved, she'd eventually leave me for a younger man, who loves her just as much as I do, and when that day comes you might as well start planning my funeral, cause I'll be dead." Ducky looked down at his hands, sadly.

"At least this way we can stay friends, and I can love her from a distance, without being considered a stalker."

"But you'll be pining for her till you drop dead," said Gibbs.

"There are worse fates, my friend," Ducky shook his head signifying he was done with this conversation. He turned off the light and went to bed. Gibbs followed shortly after, positioning himself so that their backs were to each other.

"Goodnight Duck," he said.

"Goodnight."

McGee came out of the shower. He toweled his head making his wet hair spike up. He changed into his pajama pants and a grey t-shirt. He walked into the sleeping area where Tony had already climbed into bed and was reading a book. 501 Must-See Movies, of course, what else would he read?

McGee walked over to his side of the bed and started to get comfortable.

"Oh no no no no no," said Tony looking up from the book.

"What?" asked McGee.

"We are not sharing he same bed, McGee!" Tony yelled slightly.

"Well where else am I supposed to sleep?"

"There is a floor. Make use of it!" said Tony.

"Oh no, I am not sleeping on the floor Tony, you can just forget it."

"Well then, you're going to have to find somewhere else to sleep because it won't be with me!"

"Tony, shove over!"

"No, I will not, Mctouchy feely!"

"Tony, get over yourself, we're sleeping in the same bed."

"No I'm pretty sure we're not."

McGee climbed into the bed; despite the kicking and slapping he endured from the phobic Tony.

"Well it's too late now because I'm not moving!" McGee crossed his arms defiantly.

"Well, I'm not moving!" Tony pointed at himself, giving McGee the 'obviously' face.

"Then it's too bad for you."

"Just remember McGoo, you stay on your side, and me on mine!"

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

"Fine." McGee got comfortable, and turned off the lamp on his side.

Tony finally gave in and stopped reading his book and snuggled down in the bed.

The two kept as big a space between them as they could without falling off the bed.

This was going to be a long night.


	8. The Morning After

Chapter 8- The Morning After

The sunlight streamed into Tony and McGee's hut.

Sometime in the night, Tony had migrated over to McGee's side of the bed, and had his arms completely wrapped around McGee's torso. He was lightly snoring into McGee's back.

McGee rolled over and placed one of his arms over Tony's side, and nestled his head around Tony's shoulder.

McGee slowly opened his eyes; he blinked the sand out of them.

Tony woke up to, groaned, and tried to go back to sleep but suddenly realized the position he was in.

He looked at where McGee's hands were, then where his hands were, and then stared at McGee.

They screamed at each other.

Tony scrambled to get away, while McGee just rolled off the bed.

They were standing at opposite side of the bed.

"What the hell, McGee!" yelled Tony.

"Me! I did what I was told; I stayed on my side of the bed, you're then one who decided to cuddle!" yelled McGee.

"Don't call it that!" Tony whimpered.

"What else do you want me to call it…spooning!" said McGee.

"We won't call it anything! We are going to forget this ever happened, and we're not going to tell anyone! What happened in this hut, stays in this hut, you got that McGoo!"

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

"Fine." Tony walked into the bathroom.

Ducky and Gibbs had awoken pretty early and were already drinking coffee and tea on the beach.

It was a beautiful morning, well, till the screaming started.

"Looks like Tony and McGee have awoken," said Ducky sipping his tea.

"Really Duck, what makes you say that?" said Gibbs sarcastically. It was an attempt at being humorous, which doesn't always succeed in the early hours of the morning. Most people don't catch the joke, or weren't paying attention in the first place. If Ducky had caught the joke he wasn't really acting like it.

"Hey Duck, are you okay?"

"I'm fine Jethro, are you going to ask me that all weekend?"

"Just being concerned," said Gibbs sipping his coffee.

"Well, I'm fine, so just drop it!" Ducky appreciated Jethro's friendship, but he wasn't in the mood this morning to deal with anything. He just wanted to drink his tea in peace.

Eddie walked into the hut, throwing his cigarette into the sand outside.

"Did you get it done?" asked Frank, who stepped out of the bathroom with shaving cream all over his face.

"Yep, it's all set, no matter what, it's going down tomorrow!"

"Is he coming?" said Frank.

"He'll be here tomorrow morning to give us the order to flick the switch," Eddie poured coffee from the portable coffee maker they had brought.

"I can't help but feel that one of them is on to us!" said Frank.

"Gibbs is totally unaware, we'll be fine."

"It's not Gibbs that worries me, it's that goth girl!" Frank poured himself a cup of coffee.

"Don't worry about her, she can't harm us!" said Eddie taking a sip from his coffee.

"I don't know, she's been looking at me like she recognizes me from somewhere, it could blow our cover."

"Just keep acting like normal, don't make anyone suspicious, that's all we need for this thing to go off successfully." Eddie pulled on his hat and went back outside and lit a cigarette. Frank followed closely behind.

Though Eddie was usually correct in these instances, Frank could not help but think that this whole thing was going to blow up in both their faces. Metaphorically speaking.


	9. Love and Understanding

Chapter 9 - Love and Understanding

Abby and Ziva were enjoying breakfast with the other couples.

It was pancakes with whipped cream and fruit, and Abby was enjoying thoroughly.

The only thing that was missing was her Caf-Pow, but there was enough coffee and juice for her to last another 24 hours.

She actually quite liked this semi-vacation, the company was great, the team looked relaxed, except maybe Tony and McGee; Ducky wore pink. It was like one of her weirder dreams come to life. She'd come here more often but they'd eventually find out that she was into men. More specifically: aged British Medical Examiners, who wear Tillies and pink plaid.

She's always been interested in different things, what her parents said was good she liked the opposite, except when it came to drugs, but that was a given. People like white, she prefers black, girls prefer flowers, she prefers skulls, woman like young men, she prefers a more mature older guy. It was just in her nature to like the opposite.

Besides, Ducky had more energy and spunk than most of the younger men she's dated. She's always waited and hoped that he'd ask her out; she was weird that way.

But he never did, except for the occasional lunch escapade but either Ziva or Tony, and sometimes McGee would join them so it wasn't so much as a date as a colleague lunch-out. Which she didn't mind, secretly she counted them as dates, well, group dates anyway.

Abby idly picked at her food while deep in thought.

"Molly, why aren't you eating?" said Ziva, using Abby's cover name.

"Oh!" Abby snapped out of her reverie, "Just don't have an incredible appetite at the moment."

For food anyway…

The four old guys sat at the same table.

"No samosas today, Frank!" It was more of a statement than a question, seeing how Eddie had to drag the drunken Frank back to their hut after the food fight last night.

"Not for breakfast anyway, just wait till noon though," joked Frank.

"You know you're really a hopeless drinker!" said Eddie; he lit another cigarette.

"And you're a chronic smoker, put that out!" Frank grabbed the cigarette and tossed it on to the sand.

"I only smoke to get past the embarrassment of having to drag your drunken ass home!"

"If you didn't smoke so much perhaps I wouldn't drink!"

"Blow it out your ear Frank!"

"Bite me, Ed!"

"Are you two about done?" huffed Ducky, he rubbed his bandaged forehead, the last thing he needed was someone to throw a bottle of maple syrup at his head.

"Yeah, we're done," said Frank almost like the argument never happened; Eddie nodded in agreement; the two of them were almost comical.

Gibbs gave Ducky a knowing look, with one eye; boy did he have one hell of a shiner.

"Look here comes the happy couple!" chirped Frank.

"Oh, don't do anything embarrassing now, Frank!" groaned Eddie.

"What? I was just saying…" Frank trailed off; then went back to eating.

McGee went and sat with Paula and Jay, while Tony went a sat with Abby and Ziva.

"I guess they're not allowed to sit next to each other at meal time anymore," said Gibbs.

"I would hope not," said Ducky.

Arnie entered into the centre of the dining area.

"Hey gang!" He was overly cheerful; it was grating in the morning.

"Today is going to be chock full 'o' fun today; so once you're done with breakfast head down to the hut over there."

Arnie pointed to a hut just south of the beach; there were no walls, just the roof and it's supports. Ducky could visibly see tables and chairs all set up in the area.

"Ooh, what's it this time? Arts and Crafts?" said Frank with mock joy.

"Either that or a riveting game of musical chairs," said Ducky.

"Don't even joke about that," said Eddie, visibly rolling his eyes.

"Better not be a wet t-shirt contest," said Gibbs dryly.

"Right after breakfast?" said Ducky with a quizzical look on his face.

"How does a wet t-shirt contest have anything to do with helping two people bond in their relationship?" asked Frank.

"Just about as much as a food fight," said Ducky.

Arnie made a signal to get everybody's attention again.

"All right everybody! Now, everyone of you is expected to join in this activity, even the age-ed ones," he pointed at the four, "Everyone except you two," he pointed at McGee and Tony, who stared confusedly at Arnie, then glared at each other.

"You two are going to be attending a more, ah, personal counseling," Arnie smiled awkwardly at the odd pair.

Arnie waited for a long awkward pause then slinked away.

"You know, his cheeriness makes me agitated, I mean I don't mind optimism, but constant optimism is sickening," said Eddie, making a disgusted face.

"That's fine, what I don't like is how he says aged, age-ed, it's like we're some sort of school course, Age Education 101," said Ducky.

"Love and understanding, Goose," said Gibbs sarcastically.

"Oh shut it!" muttered Ducky.

This was going to be a long day.


	10. Arts and Crafts My Butt!

Chapter 10 – Arts and Crafts My…Butt

Ducky, Gibbs, Frank, Eddie, Abby and Ziva made their way over to the hut.

Ducky and Gibbs walked side by side next to Frank and Eddie, conversing lightly; Abby and Ziva walked with the group they had made friends with the day before.

Everyone found a seat in the circle of chairs.

"Musical chairs looks like a definite possibility," muttered Frank.

"Oh my lord," groaned Eddie.

They all made themselves comfortable; bracing themselves for the worst possible outcome.

"Ok gang!" Arnie came into the middle; clasping his hands together with enthusiasm, Ducky tried to suppress a groan.

"Welcome to group therapy!" said Arnie.

"Oh gosh, I need a drink!" groaned Frank.

Chuckles emerged from around the group.

"Now, now, we're here to love, and understand each other," said Arnie.

"If he's says love and understanding, in any way shape or form, again, I'm gonna…" Eddie made a chomping motion with his hand. Frank glared at him.

"Now, if you aren't sitting next to your respective partner, please do."

A few people shifted and switched chairs to sit next to their girlfriend or boyfriend.

"Arts and crafts my…"

"…Butt" Ducky cut Gibbs off.

Another series of chuckles sounded among the group.

They started with going around the circle, having each couple tell their respective stories. Each one sounding like they had their own issues; ups and downs; some to the extreme such as infidelity, some towards the trivial such as annoying habits, or embarrassing traits.

It came to Ducky and Gibbs.

"State your name for those who don't know," said Arnie.

"I'm Harlan," said Gibbs.

"Hi Harlan," said the group rather monotone.

"And I'm Goosey," Said Ducky; he tried not to cringe at the name.

"Hi Goosey," again very monotone.

"This feels like an AA meeting," whispered Frank to Eddie.

There was a long pause while Ducky and Gibbs decided who would start.

"So…um, Harlan and Goosey, how good would you say your relationship is?" asked Arnie.

"Great," said Gibbs.

"The best," said Ducky.

"Care to elaborate?" asked Arnie.

"Nope."

"Not really."

Arnie rolled his eyes a bit, whiles some chuckles sounded.

"Ok, when did you two meet then?

"Long time ago."

"Yes, feels like an eternity."

Arnie was getting a little frustrated.

"HOW'D you guys meet?" he asked a little exasperated.

"In a bar."

"In a Hospital."

"Well, which one is it?"

Ducky realized they had screwed up.

"You forgot!" This was Ducky's attempt at a save.

"It was a long time ago!" Gibbs played along.

"Oh, you demented old twit!" yelled Ducky.

"Oh like you don't forget anything!" yelled Gibbs.

"Names and faces maybe, but never important things like how we first met!"

"Well, I remember our first date!"

"Then why don't you recall it, go on, tell it to the whole class!"

Gibbs gave Ducky the 'stare.'

Ducky's eyes just twinkled back with humored delight.

"Well…it was at a gay bar; you were sitting at the bar, drinking some concoction, I was on the dance floor. Then you turned around and we made, uh, eye contact, and you were wearing the most brilliant red suit I had ever seen, then I asked you to, uh, dance, and through some chance of fate you accepted, and we were suddenly entangled in a very thrilling tango."

Abby suddenly snorted. Ducky tried not to laugh at Gibbs distorted retelling of his story of the Puerto Rican Princess. Abby obviously remembered the story.

"And then what?" asked Ducky trying not to giggle.

"Then we had dinner."

Gibbs almost seemed to turn red, as everyone either went 'awww', or chorkled.

"Well, now Goosey what do you think of that?" asked Arnie.

"That's not exactly how I remember it, but it's good enough for me."

Abby giggled again.

"So you've been together for a long time, right?" asked a woman.

"Very long!"

"Seems like forever."

The two went back to their short answers.

"Would you have any tips for new couples?" asked Arnie.

"Um…never have your dog stuffed," said Gibbs hesitantly.

"No, uh, never, 'cause they attract fleas and creep out house guests," added Ducky, though he had no idea where Gibbs got that answer from himself.

The group all shared a laugh at the old pair.

"Ok, next couple please!" Arnie switched the group on to the next pair sitting beside Gibbs and Ducky.

Ducky couldn't help but feel that as son as Gibbs could get him alone…he was gonna get the biggest thwack at the back of the head that not even Tony will have something to compare it to.


	11. Just Working Out Our Differences

Chapter 11 – Just Working Out Our Differences

Tony and McGee sat next to each other.

Tony's arms were crossed across his chest, while McGee twiddled his thumbs.

"I can't believe you got us sent to the counselor, McSpazzy! hurrumphed Tony.

"Me! You're the one who wouldn't drop it!"

"You're the one that started flinging saltshakers at peoples heads!"

"That was an accident!"

"I think it speaks to some deep-seeded psychological anger which is causing you to go berserk!"

"I think you are a suspicious kook who can't keep himself out of other people's business!"

Tony raised his arm and Gibbs-slapped McGee. McGee rescinded by doing the same to the back of Tony's head, which started a big Gibbs-slap fight.

"Ok, ok, we get it, you guys have problems, now before you destroy my office can we introduce ourselves."

Tony looked up to see their counselor wasn't a fat old guy with glasses, but a sexy, blonde female with a beach girl bod. It was all he could do to keep his tongue in his mouth.

"Hi, I'm Tyler!" said McGee extending his hands, his expression the same as Tony's.

"And I'm Fernando, but everyone calls me Fern," Tony took her hand before McGee, shaking it lightly.

"Well, Fern and Tyler, or do you prefer Ty? The counselor asked.

"You can call me anything you want," said McGee rather dazedly.

"Call him dork!" said Tony; a little jealous that she had let go of his hand to shake McGee's.

"Well then, Fern and Tyler, I'm Robin!" she smiled for the two men.

Tony thought she had the most beautiful smile in the world. She had perfect teeth, well-tanned skin, a beautiful face, gorgeous green eyes, and long smoking hot red hair. As Gibbs would say 'Hubba Hubba!'

"So tell me Fern, what started the fight?" Robin sat down, and shook the hair out of her eyes. For Tony, it all played in slow motion.

"What fight?" he said wistfully.

"The fight you two had last night that resulted in food being thrown in every which direction," she said, giving DiNozzo a quizzical look.

"Oh, right, that fight! Well, um, he can't help it, he gets so jealous, you know," Tony wasn't even trying to pay attention; and the bikini top she was wearing wasn't helping.

"Is that true, Tyler!"

"Whatever you say, miss!"

That bikini top had some sort of power.

"Are you guys even listening?!"

They nodded their heads in synch.

"You're not listening are you?" Robin stood up and put her hands on her hips.

"Whatever you say!" said Tony; he was in love!

She goffed at the two ogling at her and walked out in a huff.

"Nice going McGoogle! You scared her away with your tongue sticking out a mile out of your mouth," yelled Tony, snapping out of his trance.

"Me! What about you with the drool pooling on the floor under your mouth!"

"Well she's mine! I saw her first!"

"Dibbs!" yelled McGee.

"You can't call dibbs, I just did!"

"No you didn't!"

"I just said you couldn't have her!"

"Maybe she should choose for herself! Oh, Robin?!" McGee began to chase after the redhead.

"No you don't!" Tony stuck out his foot, tripping McGee over. He ran past the slightly winded agent on the floor.

McGee reached out and grabbed Tony's foot making him fly face first, or should I say, nose first into the door.

Robin opened the door from the outside which smacked into DiNozzo's head.

"What the hell are you to doing?!" she cried.

"Just working out our differences," said McGee, trying to look innocent; Tony just groaned into the carpet.


	12. Of Bleeding Noses and Sore Fingers

Chapter 12 – Of Bleeding Noses and Sore Fingers

The group therapy went by quite easily, people laughed, and cried, and fought with each other. Franks earlier assumption of Arts and Crafts was not far off, for the next activity after the group therapy was a Creation Works activity, as Arnie had called it.

All sorts of materials were laid on the tables for the retreatees to start picking at.

Abby and Ziva picked up a glue gun and some wood pieces, a handful of feathers, sparkles, beads, strange cloth, and a handful of dried macaroni.

They decided together to make a picture frame, it was an easy and fun project for the two of them to do. Unlike Gibbs who grabbed a collection of hand tools and a block of wood and just started to whittle away at it.

"So what should we put in our picture frame?" asked Ziva, she was applying the melted glue with Mossaud precision.

"A picture of Ducky in the pink shirt," answered Abby jokingly.

"Haha, yes, that would be very amusing…Frick, oww!" Ziva lifted up her little finger that had accidentally touched the hot glue.

"Or, we get a picture of Tony and McGee making out," said Abby devilishly.

"There is not enough alcohol at this retreat to make that happen, Abby!" Ziva laughed.

"A girl can dream can't she?" shrugged Abby.

"I wouldn't want to be stuck in your dreams, Abby!" said Ziva, laughing at her friend.

"Ow!" cried Abby, her finger coming into contact with some hot glue that had found it's way into the table.

"It stings doesn't it," Ziva was still nursing her burnt finger.

"Keep gluing! No pain no gain!" joked Abby.

"Yes sir!" said Ziva with a mock salute.

Gibbs was whittling away at a piece of wood, he wasn't making anything in particular, whatever inspires him first, he just chisled away pieces.

Frank was stringing a bunch of beads on to a piece of string, quite unenthusiastically.

Ducky was making a little clay cup with bright orange play-doh.

Eddie was gluing pieces of wood together to make a box of some sort.

"This is like camp, I wonder if we're going canoeing next," said Frank sarcastically.

"At this point I wouldn't be surprised," said Ducky, chuckling at Frank.

"At least those two guys get to skip this!" said Eddie, "AH!" he burnt his forefinger on the hot glue.

"That stuff is dangerous," commented Ducky. Eddie's not been the first one to burn their finger on the hot substance.

"I don't use it," said Gibbs; he chipped another piece of his block wood.

"What are you making?" asked Ducky.

"It's a surprise."

"In other words he hasn't decided yet," said Eddie.

Meanwhile, back in Robin's Office.

"Owww," moaned DiNozzo as Robin held a bag of ice on his forehead and stuffed Kleenex up his nose.

"You two are the most messed up couple I have ever seen," she said.

McGee was sitting next to Tony, staring at Robin.

"We just have issues like any other couple," said McGee, rather dazedly.

"I say your issues are more like brothers fighting for the affection of their mother," she stuffed another tissue up Tony's nose.

"Not a mother," said McGee, still dazed.

"Excuse me?" said Robin.

"He means we fight because we are trying to prove each other's affection for one another, right Ty?" DiNozzo fwacked McGee's arm.

"Whatever you say," McGee wasn't listening.

"Oh don't you two start that again! You know for a gay couple, you guys are acting like two heterosexual teenagers who are stuck sharing the girl with big jugs for a study partner!"

McGee snapped out of his trance. He coughed and awkwardly looked down at his shoes.

"Are you two seriously gay, or just two creeps looking for a good time," Robin put her hand son her hips and stared at the two agents.

"Um…" McGee didn't know what to say.

"That's it I'm reporting you two!" she picked up the phone.

"No, we're a couple, we swear we're a couple, nobody better than my man and I," said Tony quickly, the last thing he wanted was to be labeled as a sex offender or worse, blow Gibbs' cover.

"Then prove it!" said Robin. She placed the phone back on its receiver.

"How?" asked McGee.

"Kiss!" said Robin.

"What?" Tony's eye widened.

"If your truly a couple, then kiss, doesn't have to be anything fancy, just some proof that you're a couple."

McGee looked awkwardly at Tony, who looked at him back.

"I knew it, I'm calling security!" said Robin she picked up the phone again and started dialing.

"No, wait…" McGee looked over at Tony again; Tony shook his head slightly. McGee grabbed Tony's head and planted a kiss on Tony's lips. Tony eyes widened.

They pulled away.

"There enough proof for you!" said McGee.

"I guess so," Robin hung up the phone, "I'll give you two a minute."

McGee looked over at DiNozzo, who was nearly frozen in shock.

"Tony, are you okay?" asked McGee.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" screamed Tony, "WHAT THE HELL MCGEE!!"

Tony was officially freaking out. Never in his whole life had he ever wanted to do that with a man, especially McGee.

He jumped up off the couch and away from McGee.

"I had to, she was going to blow our cover!" cried McGee.

"YOU NEVER DO THAT AGAIN!!" cried Tony.

He went over to the water cooler in the corner of the room and stuck his head under the faucet. He pressed the knob and sprayed the water all over his face. He whimpered and cried, and banged his head on the sides of the cooler.

McGee thought that was the most pathetic sight he had ever seen. He walked over, pulled Tony to his feet and smacked him hard.

"Tony! Get a hold of yourself!!" McGee yelled.

"Thanks, I needed that!"

"Now we just get through this session with Robin, act like a couple, hold hands, act nice, the whole spiel, and we'll get over it, then you can freak out and drink samosas!"

"Alright," Tony whimpered.

"Are you two okay?" said Robin who had just entered the room.

"Just getting a little splash of reality," said Tony, rubbing a hand through his soaked hair.


	13. Someone Spiked The Samosa's

Chapter 13- Someone Spiked the Samosas.

"Ow!" exclaimed Ziva, as Abby put another band-aid on her fingers.

"Man, those glue guns are murder, we should use them in interrogations!" said Abby.

She took out another band-aid from the first aid kit and ripped of the wrapper.

"If Mossaud had these, it would take less time for the prisoners to fill their guts."

Abby laughed at Ziva.

"I think you mean 'spill,' Ziva."

"And they give these to children?" asked Ziva.

"You'd be amazed by how many sadists work in the toy industry."

Ziva laughed.

"Ow!"

"Is it just me, or did this day go by forever, yet, it's over so soon?" asked Frank.

The four old guys sat at their usual table.

It was free time till dinnertime, and as usual Frank was downing samosas like nobody's business, Eddie was smoking another cigarette, and Ducky wasn't paying attention to anything.

They were all playing poker.

"Frank, I think you need to slow down with the drinking, it's not even 5 o'clock yet," said Gibbs, taking a sip of his bourbon.

"I'm just preparing myself for the next food flinging fiasco," Frank gulped down the rest of his current samosa.

"Fold, I'll be right back," said Eddie.

Eddie placed his cards on his the table and walking off.

"Is he going to the bathroom again?" asked Ducky, momentarily snapping out of his reverie.

"Possibly, he's got such a weak bladder, he drinks one drink and he has to go!" grumped Frank.

"We know, Frank!" said Gibbs.

"So you've noticed it too!"

Gibbs rolled his eyes.

Eddie didn't go to the bathroom. Not even close.

He ducked behind the tiki bar and entered into it.

He eyed the punch bowl that was being prepared for tonight's dinner.

It already looked like it had some carbonated beverage in it. He took out a vial from his shirt pocket, and emptied it into the bowl.

Eddie casually walked out and back to the poker game.

"That was quick, what did you do?" asked Frank. Secretly he was exchanging glances.

"Just, you know, stretching my legs."

Eddie sat back down. Gibbs couldn't help but feel that somehow that answer was off-putting, but for the first time, possibly in his life, he ignored his gut feeling and called Frank's bet.

People started gathering around the dining area as the buffet table was being assembled and several dishes were being placed on to it.

The punch bowl was still being prepared in the tiki bar.

McGee and Tony were finally released from the infirmary and the watchful eye of Robin. Forced to stick together the whole night or blow their cover. They joined the ca-fuffle with the rest of the couples.

"So you two preparing to throw the chicken kabobs this time, or are you just going to stick to the veggies?" joked one of the guys sitting at the table.

Tony glared at the joker.

"Nope, not tonight, we had some problems, but we've worked through them, right, uh, honey?" said McGee. He pulled Tony away from the guy and they sat at a distant table. "Let's just get through this meal with the least things thrown as possible, ok?"

"Fine," mumble Tony.

He crossed his arms and pouted.

The punchbowl was finally set onto the buffet table along with the rest of the food, and everyone was finding a seat at a table. Abby and Ziva went and sat beside Tony and McGee, just to keep them company.

Arnie stood up from his spot.

"Ok gang, we'll do this table at a time, just so we don't start any melees."

The group shared a laugh, except, of course, Tony and McGee.

"And the first table to go will be you guys."

Arnie pointed at their table.

Tony grumble under his breathe as he stood up and walked over to the table.

"You two! So that you can eat most of your food before you start another fight."

The group laughed again, and Tony glared at McGee.

Like Arnie said, table-by-table people went up and grabbed selections from the various dishes of food presented to them. Whilst also grabbing a cup of punch before returning to their seats.

Ducky ate very little and drank very much, constantly refilling at the punchbowl. He hoped that there was alcohol in it, and lots of it.

It was actually very good punch, very tangy and sweet, but he couldn't disregard the strange aftertaste, it made your mouth feel almost numb or something…of course this was probably his third or fourth refill so it's probably just the alcohol.

"Goose, that's like your fourth refill! Are you trying to break Frank's record, or what?" said Eddie in bewilderment.

"No, just thirsty," said Ducky. He took a gulp from it before returning to solemnly picking at his food again.

Dinner passed without incident. Music came over the speakers.

"Ok, try dancing with someone you haven't spent much time with this weekend, someone new," said Arnie excitedly.

Abby walked straight over Ducky, he wasn't exactly new, but she hadn't spent any time at all with him this weekend so he fitted the criteria. He graciously accepted, though he was expecting it, and it caught him a little by surprise.

Tony asked Ziva to dance with him, just to get away from McGee.

McGee got enough courage to and ask Robin to dance.

Frank asked some other woman to dance, and was making her laugh by his horrible dance moves.

Eddie had snuck off somewhere, probably to have a smoke.

Gibbs just sat and watched his teammates and drank his first and only glass of punch.

He downed the glass, but suddenly he felt very light-headed and sick to his stomach, then a wave of nausea, followed by a black out.

Tony was feeling a little better. He was dancing with a woman, he was staring into the eyes of a woman, and not only was she a woman, and she was Ziva.

He twirled her.

"I never knew you were such a good dancer Fern," said Ziva, winking at him.

"That's because you turn me down every time I ask you out," smiled Tony.

"You never told me you could dance."

"You never asked."

She laughed as he twirled her again.

"I wouldn't have the rep I've got if I couldn't dance," Tony said.

"Well, woman are suckers for guys who know how to move across the dance floor, it makes a man seem more, ah, manly, yes?" she eyes his strong biceps.

"You know it's mostly an illusion, it's the lights messing with your brains," joked DiNozzo.

Ziva laughs again.

Tony couldn't help but feel entranced by her laughter at the moment; he really hadn't noticed how beautiful it sounded before.

He suddenly felt light-headed.

"Whoa! Where'd that come from?" he stopped dancing.

"Are you ok?" asked Ziva.

"I suddenly feel light-headed and nauseous."

"Could it be something you ate?"

"Hehe, that reminds me of a movie."

"Is that all you think about?" grumped Ziva.

"Come on, Airplane, you know, must've eaten the fish, surely you must be serious, I am serious and don't call me Shirley, come on, it's a comedy classic."

"And it's contagious, suddenly I feel light-headed," Ziva puts a hand to her head.

"That is freaky."

"Maybe it is something we ate?" Ziva held her other hand to her stomach.

Someone passes out behind them.

"Well, that didn't happen in the movie," mumbled Tony before he blacked out.

Ducky had felt like he was waltzing in a dream with his dream girl waltzing with him.

He twirled her, then dipped her, and then held her close again.

Dancing with her was the most exhilarating thing he had ever experienced, he never wanted it to end, ever.

Abby lifted her head from his shoulder.

"Ducky, I, uh, I want to tell you something."

She looked sincerely into his eyes.

"Of course, you can tell me anything."

He almost lost himself in her eyes.

"I, I…"

She seemed a little flustered.

"I'm listening," he coaxed her softly.

"I, uh, lo…"

A person collapsed on the dance floor.

"Whoa!" said Abby; she held a hand to her head.

"What is it?"

"I think I turned around to fast."

"Huh?" he gave her a puzzled expression.

"I just feel really light-headed all of a sudden."

"Well I don't think that…" sudden he felt light-headed too.

"This must be an epidemic." He stated feeling very disoriented and nauseous.

"Ducky, what is this?" Abby stared into his eyes, looking fearful.

"I don't know, but I think some spiked the punchbowl."

Ducky blacked out…

TBC


	14. I've Seen Happier Days

Chapter 14- I've Seen Happier Days

Gibbs' eyes cracked open slightly. It was morning; he could feel the sunshine on his face, and the dew on his shirt.

He opened his eyes all the way, this wasn't his hut…this wasn't a hut at all. He was lying on one of the outdoor picnic tables.

"How'd I get here?" he mumbled to himself as he sat up.

Whoa! Did he ever have a hangover; he pressed his hand to his head.

He couldn't even remember last night; what happened? Why was he here? And where was his team.

Tony rolled over in his bed. For some reason this morning he felt better, like he had a good nights sleep or something.

He wrapped his arms around the figure next to him.

A loud, almost drunken sailor-like snore emerged. This sound made Tony open his eyes…McGee didn't snore.

He turned the sleeping figure over. It was Ziva.

"You're not McGee!" Tony yelled, almost.

Ziva awakened slightly. Then screamed when she saw Tony staring at her.

"Tony!! What are you doing in my hut?!"

She climbed out of the bed.

Tony coughed awkwardly.

"What?" she asked.

She looked down; she wasn't wearing any clothes, she was stark naked in front of Tony.

"ACK!" she cried, and picked up one of Tony's shirts lying on the floor.

She looked down at the garment.

"This is not my hut, is it?"

Tony nodded.

"Then what am I doing in your hut?!" she cried again.

"I don't know, I don't remember anything after dinner," said Tony, he scratched the top of his head.

"Well, if I'm here…where is McGee?" asked Ziva.

McGee woke up. He didn't recognize his surroundings, and he had no idea how he had ended up here.

Then something shifted beside him; the same thing was pinning his right arm down and half sprawled across his chest. Well, at least her long _red _hair.

McGee's eyes opened wide in shock.

"Oh crap!" he whimpered quietly.

He tried to pull his arm from under her body.

It wouldn't budge.

"Oh crap."

He pulled even harder and jerked it free.

"Yes!" he yelled. "Oops!"

"TYLER?!" she cried.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!" he cried.

He ran out as quickly as he could; gathering up all his stuff and booking it to his hut.

Ducky woke to the sweet smell of lotus blossom scented shampoo. He sighed, it was a lovely smell, he had always enjoyed that smell; it always filled his nostrils every time he hugged Abby.

The thought struck him suddenly. Gibbs didn't have lotus blossom scented shampoo, and he certainly didn't use it, then why did he smell it so strongly?

He opened his eyes to see said lotus blossom snoozing lightly in his arms.

"Oh my…" he mumbled to himself.

Abby rolled over and nestled her head in the crook of his arm.

She opened her eyes and smiled when she saw him looking at her.

"Hi," she said in a raspy morning voice.

"Good morning, this is terribly awkward, but, I don't remember, uh last night," he smiled to hide is embarrassment.

"Me neither, and it's a real shame," said Abby.

"How so?" he looked at her with a puzzled expression.

"I probably had lots of fun." She smiled sweetly at him and he laughed.

She put her hands on either side of his face and pulled his head down to kiss his lips.

"What was that for?" he asked, genuinely flustered.

"For being you," she answered simply.

He smiled and kissed her back.

McGee yanked his boxers and shorts on while running from Robin's quarters. He ran right into his hut.

"McGee!" yelled Ziva.

"Ack!" he cried.

"McGoo!!" screamed Tony. "Where were you?"

"Why is she here?"

"Why are you not wearing a shirt?"

The questions flew.

"I blew it, I blew it so bad, Gibbs is going to fire me, I'm going to be kicked to the curb and be labeled as a sex offender!" cried McGee, almost sobbing while doing so.

"McGee, what did you do?" asked Ziva.

"Yes, McGee," said Tony.

"I woke up this morning in Robin's bed…next to Robin!" he cried.

"You what?" cried ZIva.

"Oh McGee you blew it!" groaned Tony.

"I didn't mean to!"

"That's not the point, Gibbs is going to kill you!"

"What do I do?" asked McGee.

"Run to Canada," said Tony.

"Knowing Gibbs, be probably has jurisdiction there," said Ziva.

"Then Russia!" said Tony.

"I'm dead!" whimpered McGee.

Eddie and Frank were stood at the rendezvous point up the road from the retreat.

"Are you sure he's coming?" asked Frank.

"He said he would," said Eddie as he lit another cigarette.

"By this time all of them should be waking to a pretty strange surprise," Frank rubbed his hand together.

"Might I say that the fall you did at the dance party was extremely helpful?" said Eddie.

"Why thank you, my good man, but the genius behind putting the drug in the punchbowl was quite exceptional on your part," said Frank.

"But it was you who warned the others not to drink the punch," said Eddie.

They shared a sigh of agreement.

A black car zoomed into view. It stopped right in front of the pair.

The window rolled down.

"Welcome to Happy Days, sir!" said Frank cheerfully.

Just then three police cars zoomed past them, heading to the retreat.

"Well, I've seen happier," mumbled Eddie.

TBC


	15. The Cover Is Blown

Chapter 15- The Cover Is Blown

The cop cars zoomed into the parking lot of the retreat.

Gibbs heard the sirens from where he was standing; he turned his head to see two cops come out of each. His gut knew something was up.

He walked closer to catch a snippet of the conversation.

Then he saw the redhead that joined the couples last night for dinner, and Arnie.

The redhead was fuming, and almost beet red, and Arnie looked flustered.

"Dinozzo!" he shook his head.

He walked to Dinozzo and McGee's hut.

Tony and McGee and Ziva were all fully dressed now.

Gibbs barges in and sees the three of them before locking his deathly glare on to Tony.

"DiNozzo!" he barks.

"Morning boss!" Tony gulps.

"You have done some really stupid things before but THIS!! This is possibly the stupidest!!"

"It wasn't me, I swear!"

"You were supposed to remain undercover! Not jump _under_ the first woman's _covers!!" _Gibbs marched up to Tony and Tony scrunched up his face for the inevitable blow to the back of the head.

"Boss, It was just Ziva!!"

"Sleeping with the redhead counselor!!!"

"What?" Tony looks up at Gibbs in confusion. McGee's eyes widen to the size of saucers. "Boss, that wasn't me!"

"Then who the bloody hell was it?!" yelled Gibbs.

"It was me." said McGee.

"What?" Now it was Gibbs' turn to be confused.

"I don't know how it happened, I had asked her to dance last night, then I blacked out, and I woke up in her bed…I can't explain it," McGee's expression was that of fear and panic.

"Do you realize what you have just done?!" barked Gibbs.

"I blew my cover…"

"Our, McGee, you blew OUR cover," Tony points to himself and McGee.

"I'm sure if we go to Robin and explain…"

"It's too late for that McGee! She's called the cops!!" yells Gibbs.

"Oh my go…"

"You are so screwed McGee!" said Ziva, shaking her head.

McGee gives Ziva a look.

"We've got to find Ducky and Abby and fix this!" orders Gibbs.

He storms out of the hut with the three of them trailing behind. He head's to him and Ducky's hut.

Gibbs walks into the hut.

"Ducky we…HOLY!!!!"

!!!

Ducky falls off the bed and Abby wraps the blanket all around her.

Tony covers his eyes and runs out, while Ziva and McGee continue to scream along with everyone else.

"DUCKY! ABBY! WHAT THE HELL!!!" cries Gibbs.

(Cut to a few minutes later, when every one has stopped screaming)

"What the hell is wrong with all of you? First McGee and the redheaded counselor! Now you two!! This is one or possible THE worst undercover operation I have ever been on!" yells Gibbs. The whole team sit before him sheepishly looking at the floor.

"You forgot me and Ziva, boss!" chips in Tony.

"DiNozzo, so help me…" Gibbs gives him 'the stare.'

"Well, I really can't explain it, you see me and Abby were just dancing last night when suddenly that guy passed out, then shortly after I blacked out…" started Ducky.

"Me too!" said McGee.

"Me as well!" said Abby.

"Ditto!" said Tony.

"I as well, Gibbs," said Ziva.

"So we all blacked out…and had sex?!" barked Gibbs.

"Seems so boss, who'd you sleep with?" asked Tony.

"Nobody Tony! I woke up on the table!"

"Must've been something in the food?" said Abby.

"Or in the drinks...Didn't Eddie leave the poker game then return and he said he was stretching his legs, I thought it sounded odd!" said Ducky.

"Yes, there is something hinky about him and his partner Frank, I recognize him from somewhere!!" cries Abby.

"What? Where?" asks Ziva.

"I can't put my finger on it!"

"I must say the pair are starting to look mighty suspicious," said Ducky.

"This whole thing is suspicious!!" barked Gibbs, "In less than 2 days you've turned into a bunch of rowdy uncontrollable teenagers!!"

The team looks down at their shoes, not making eye contact.

"Now somebody is behind this and I want to know who!!" Gibbs barked again.

He storms out of the hut with the team running behind him.

Gibbs marched straight up to the cops, who were attracting a bit of attention.

Robin stood next to one of the cops talking about something.

She suddenly points in Gibbs's direction.

"THAT'S HIM!!" she screams.

Gibbs freezes.

"That one there!!" she points to McGee.

The two burly cops march up to McGee and slap hand cuffs on him and start reading him is Miranda Rights.

"B-B-But wait, I can explain!!" cries McGee.

"Tell it to your lawyer, you're going to need one!" yells one of the cops slamming McGee onto the hood of his car as he frisks him.

"Gibbs!!" cries McGee.

"Jethro…we can't let him be arrested, I'm sorry but our cover is blown," said Ducky sternly.

Gibbs nods his head.

"Officer, he's with me!!"

"Oh so you're both creeps!" snarls one of the cops.

"No, we're NCIS, we're undercover!!" yells Gibbs and he takes out his badge from his back pocket.

"I'm Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs! Release my agent!" Gibbs orders. The Officer's stop frisking McGee.

Several gasps sound in the growing crowd of bystanders.

"What's NCIS doing here?" asked one of the Officers.

"We're investigating a lead," inserts Tony.

"What? You are part of this too!" cries someone from the crowd.

"Who are you talking about?" asked the Officer.

"It's gotta be the Arnie guy!!" yelled another person.

"No, it's them!" cried Ducky.

Gibbs snarls and gives them the glare when he sees Eddie and Frank up the road.

"Oh crap, he knows!!" yells Frank.

They start running back up the road.

Gibbs breaks into a full out chase after the pair.

"NCIS FREEZE!!!" he screams.

He takes the tazer from one of the Officer's belt and runs even faster to catch them.

He gets closer and he points the tazer at their backs and fires.

Eddie goes down.

"HOLY CRAP!!" screams Frank as he trips over himself.

Gibbs tackles him.

"ACK! Don't hit me, don't hit me, I give up!!" cries Franks, waves his arms widely in an effort to protect himself.

"Who do you work for?!" barks Gibbs.

"It wasn't anything personal, I swear!"

"Who do you work for?!"

"Gibbs," says Ducky from behind him.

"WHO DO YOU WORK FOR?!"

"Gibbs!!" yells Ducky.

"WHO DO YOU WORK FOR!!!"

Frank points to something behind Gibbs.

…

"He works for me Jethro…"

TBC


	16. The Showdown

Chapter 16 – The Showdown

Gibbs stared bewilderedly at the presence behind him.

"Oh my Go…" for the first time he was lost for words.

"You?!" cried Ziva.

"It can't be…" mumbled McGee.

"That's impossible!" said Abby and Tony.

Ducky just laughed his head off.

"I should've known!"

Gibbs let go of Frank, who scrambled behind Eddie who was now leaning against the cop car to hold himself up.

Gibbs stood up and walked up to the man.

"You did this? You set this up?"

The man nodded.

"Excuse me sir, but who are you?" asked the Officer.

The man turned and faced the officer.

"I am NCIS Director Leon Vance."

Vance held up his I.D. for the cops to read.

Frank and Eddie chorkled behind him.

"Why?" asked Abby.

"That's what I'd like to know!" said Gibbs.

"I had two very good reasons….1…you guys needed a break from the job, and this was the only way I could get you all to a nice vacation spot."

"But why the covers? Why the Gay Couples Retreat?" asked Gibbs.

"Call it payback for your guyses birthday prank last year."

Tony smiles at the memory.

"That raccoon destroyed my office, and ate my favorite couch, so I used the opportunity to get my rebuttle full force."

He smirked at the gang.

"This is my good friend Arnold Kramer, quite the performer ain't he?"

Arnie comes forward and shakes Vance's hand.

"What about those two?" asked McGee, pointing at Frank and Eddie.

"Old family friends, and my Friday night poker buddies, Frank Edwards and Eddie Carmichael."

The two wave at the team.

"OMG! That's where I recognized Frank, there's a picture in your office, you and him in hunting gear, I remember thinking how funny you looked without a suit!" said Abby.

"So this was all a set up?" asked Gibbs.

"Yes," said Vance, a smirk breaking through his features.

"You drugged us!!" accused Tony, pointing at the two.

"Did I really sleep with…?" McGee pointed to Robin.

Vance shook his head.

"All that drug did was conk you out, then you were stripped and… well, you know."

"Oh we do," Tony looked funny at Abby and Ducky.

"And we have the whole thing on tape," said Vance, his smile turning into an evil grin.

Ducky and Abby's eyes widen, McGee coughs, Tony looks horrified.

"What are you going to do with it?" asks Tony, gulping audibly.

"Oh I'm keeping it under lock and key, as a reminder for you the next time you feel like playing a prank on the head of a government agency."

He laughs, and turns and heads back to his car.

"See you back in DC, I expect you at 8."

Vance waves to the team and drives off.

Gibbs smiles and looks back at the team.

"Cheer up, we just got pranked by Leon Vance!" he smacks them all in succession at the back of the head…including Ducky.

"Pack your bags, we're going home!"

He walks back to the huts, through the menagerie of actors and strangers that Vance hired to play gay couples.

Tony rubs the back of his head.

"A happy ending and I still get Gibbs-slapped."

"I think now it's become a source of amusement for him and less of a punishment tactic Tony," said Ziva with a hint of humor in her voice.

"That's what I'm afraid of."

Tony looks at McGee.

"How come you got placed with the redhead, why not me?"

McGee shrugs.

"Possibly because putting me with Ziva wouldn't be half as interesting."

Ziva and Tony look at him funny, then look at each other awkwardly.

"Now excuse me, I'm going to go see if I can get Robin's number," McGee leaves the awkward pair and chases after the redhead.

Tony and Ziva awkwardly walk away and back to their huts.

Ducky walks up to Abby.

"Wow, what a wild weekend!" says Abby, gesturing wildly.

"It sure has been," Ducky smiled sheepishly.

"Some weird things happened…" Abby states.

"Yes, very weird…" Ducky shuffles his feet awkwardly.

"Very very weird things, almost to the point of being hin…"

Ducky cuts her off.

"Um, Abigail, I was, uh, wondering if you'd like to join me for dinner, possibly tonight…"

Abby is at a loss for words for a second.

"Ummm…"

"I'm not expecting anything, just, ah, dinner, good company, and…"

It was Abby's turn to cut him off, and she did so with a soft chaste kiss planted on his mouth.

"I'd love to!" she says looping her arm with his.

He smiles widely at her.

"Wonderful!"

The walk back to the retreat and join the rest of them after their stuff is all packed, and they walk to the parking lot.

They noticed something very hinky as soon as they got ther.

"Where are all the cars?" asks Tony.

"They're gone!" exclaims Ziva.

"Maybe we can call a taxi?" says Ducky.

They all take out their cellphones.

"Mine's dead," says Gibbs.

"Mine too," says Ducky.

"Mine as well," says Ziva.

"Ditto," says Tony.

"Caput," says McGee.

They all sigh.

"There was a gas station about five miles up the road, they ought to have a pay phone," says Ducky.

They all groan.

"Well then we better get started then," says Gibbs grabbing his single duffle bag and starting to walk up the hill.

The team follow shortly.

"This is not going to be a happy day…"

Then End

AN: Thank you for reading this fanfic of mine…if you made it this far, you must've enjoyed it, and I thank you for that..it was lots of fun to write this…be prepared for the sequel, Ducky, McGee, Tony, and Abby go undercover as Drag Queens in an all new adventure, you don't want to miss it!!


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